Category Archives: Funny

How Dare You! How to Charge Your Friends for Calls, Emails, Texts, Social Networking & Video Conferencing

In a sign of the times, with our economy hitting lower lows and no hope in sight, some savvy entrepreneurs have come up with creative ways to survive. Below you’ll find an actual email I received today from a friend – Charles Feldman. As you can see, the cost of connecting is not cheap, and the price for messing up is even more expensive.

The Actual Email Containing a Communication Rate Card

Dear friends:
In these recessionary times, new sources of revenue are always being sought after. With that in mind, please refer to the new rate e-card below for future communications with me. I look forward to hearing from you. And, yes, I DO take AMEX.

Telephone Calls:

If YOU call Me…$5 per ten minute segment
If I call YOU…$12 per ten minute segment

You can buy a package of ten calls TO me for $25.50 or ten calls FROM me
for $42.95 (Does not include weekend and holidays).


If YOU email me and I respond…$3 per email
If YOU email me and I DON’T respond…$6 per email (it means you pissed me off)

If I email you and you respond…$15 per email
If YOU email me and I respond…$23 per email ( you shouldn’t be emailing me)

Text messages:

A bundle of ten text messages to me…$75 (with no response from me)
A bundle of ten text messages to me WITH response…$125

All texts must be less than ten characters in length and be written in all lower case. Numbers and symbols are charged extra.

Video conference:

You Skype me…$250 each 15 minute segment
I Skype you…I won’t. But, if I do, $432 each 10 minute segment

As for Facebook and Twitter rates:

I don’t want to be YOUR freaking “friend”–BUT, if you DO “friend” me on
Facebook, the fee is $1,235.23. And, no, I won’t send you birthday greetings though I may cyberbully you.

If you Tweet me, I’ll have you arrested.


I DON’T open eCards. I have someone do it for me and pass the cost to you…$12.50

I think you will all find these rates very reasonable. I look forward to hearing from you….often.


Will you be implementing a similar cost structure yourself? Please leave your feedback below.