How Dare You! How to Charge Your Friends for Calls, Emails, Texts, Social Networking & Video Conferencing

In a sign of the times, with our economy hitting lower lows and no hope in sight, some savvy entrepreneurs have come up with creative ways to survive. Below you’ll find an actual email I received today from a friend – Charles Feldman. As you can see, the cost of connecting is not cheap, and the price for messing up is even more expensive.

The Actual Email Containing a Communication Rate Card

Dear friends:
In these recessionary times, new sources of revenue are always being sought after. With that in mind, please refer to the new rate e-card below for future communications with me. I look forward to hearing from you. And, yes, I DO take AMEX.

Telephone Calls:

If YOU call Me…$5 per ten minute segment
If I call YOU…$12 per ten minute segment

You can buy a package of ten calls TO me for $25.50 or ten calls FROM me
for $42.95 (Does not include weekend and holidays).

Emails:

If YOU email me and I respond…$3 per email
If YOU email me and I DON’T respond…$6 per email (it means you pissed me off)

If I email you and you respond…$15 per email
If YOU email me and I respond…$23 per email ( you shouldn’t be emailing me)

Text messages:

A bundle of ten text messages to me…$75 (with no response from me)
A bundle of ten text messages to me WITH response…$125

All texts must be less than ten characters in length and be written in all lower case. Numbers and symbols are charged extra.

Video conference:

You Skype me…$250 each 15 minute segment
I Skype you…I won’t. But, if I do, $432 each 10 minute segment

As for Facebook and Twitter rates:

I don’t want to be YOUR freaking “friend”–BUT, if you DO “friend” me on
Facebook, the fee is $1,235.23. And, no, I won’t send you birthday greetings though I may cyberbully you.

If you Tweet me, I’ll have you arrested.

eCards

I DON’T open eCards. I have someone do it for me and pass the cost to you…$12.50

I think you will all find these rates very reasonable. I look forward to hearing from you….often.

Charles

Will you be implementing a similar cost structure yourself? Please leave your feedback below.

8 thoughts on “How Dare You! How to Charge Your Friends for Calls, Emails, Texts, Social Networking & Video Conferencing”

  1. Hell, no. Because these are my friends, and it’s why you have a job, to pay your way.

    If I got an email like that, I’d write back and say, “$20 for my reply or leave me alone, douchebag.”

  2. Sounds as if they are just taking a page out of what the airlines have been doing with considerable publicity. It’s enough to make me not want to get on an airplane and go anywhere for anything other than dire emergency. Sometimes the court of public opinion can be stronger than any other, and would like to hope that many people take to cancelling their flight plans in protest.

  3. Thank goodness I never got into this technology thing with floppy disks and USP memory sticks and chips. It sounds very expensive to communicate with you through wires and radio waves. Who needs a laptop dance anyway? My question is this:

    What’s wrong with the good old postal service, using a good quality fountain pen and dark blue ink?

    It would cost me less than a dollar to send you a message, or letter, as we call it. It would also be a ‘hard copy’, to use this modern computer language. What is your home address? The post man would need to know this to slip my envelope into your post box.

Please share your thoughts.